Q: A very close relative of mine is so stubborn in his ways. As a result, there has been no progress in his career, family, and social life so far. Although he is a nice person, he may be offended if I tell him about his ways and advise him on how he can advance himself. Because of this, I dare not tell him except for some hints that I drop here and there. However, I can see him going downhill more and more. The guilt for my inaction burns in me. What shall I do?
A: The law of life is this: if we stop communicating, we will ‘die’ emotionally. This is because when we do not do this, we withdraw our warm feelings and affections from the other person. If this person means a lot to you, this can be a heavy price to pay. It may not be worthwhile if this comes along with unintended consequences.
If you have decided that you want to be assertive, then, share your views with him. Facing fear is the best way to overcome it. Armed with a higher purpose and having no personal gains, you only need the courage to bear the truth. Take him to a private place, let him know your intentions, highlight his good points first, then compassionately tell him what you see is not right and suggest what he needs to do. If he responds positively, well and good. But if he does not, do not feel discouraged. Tell yourself you have done your duty. You have done what your conscience told you to do.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS
- What will be your biggest gift for him at this point in his life?
- Is this empowering enough to call for your action?
- How can you say it with compassion and respect
- How can you ensure that he will listen to what you want to tell him?
Check out our ICF accredited programs on how you can empower yourself, and others.