Q: I feel very frustrated and disappointed with my subordinates for turning against me when I want them to improve their performance. My advice to them on what they should be doing to become top performers always end up in arguments, with them defending their actions and accusing me of picking on them. Why is this good intention perceived as bad by these people?
A: It really boils down to two things: the level of rapport you have with your people and the way you communicate with them. Without these, good intentions can easily be misinterpreted as bad ones. So you need to reflect deeply on how well you are doing in these two areas.
Usually, when you are anxious or stressed, you may inadvertently say and do things which can be hurtful. Choice of words, mannerisms, talking style and eye contact are just a few of these that can go wrong. To avoid this, try not to give advice or feedback immediately when the incident happens. Instead, give yourself a cooling-off period to recollect and even rehearse what you want to say.
After having told the person, give him the space to express himself while you listen to him calmly and empathetically. You may not agree with him, just like he may not agree with what is said. So do not react by telling yourself it is okay for disagreement. Taking deep breaths to stay calm is useful when in tense moments. Once you can manage yourself well in this, you will be better at giving feedback.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS
- What state of mind are you usually in when giving feedback to someone?
- How helpful is this in getting you the results you want?
- What needs to be enhanced for better results?
- What do you want to remember to do always?
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