Q: I spend many hours talking with people. While I enjoy what I am doing, staying focused is tough, especially when faced with ‘difficult people’. My emotions run high and get the better of me, with my body language saying it all. For instance, when I feel displeasure, my facial expression, voice, posture, etc., starts showing it, too. When this happens, it usually offends the other party, and the relationship eventually suffers. How can I manage myself better?
A: The issue lies in your vulnerable self-esteem which easily gets bruised by people’s words and actions. When you build up your self-esteem, you become stronger. You will then be able to detach or disarm the impact of their words and the actions of others.
Make light of every situation. Tell yourself that you will not allow anyone to make you angry because if they succeed, then you are the loser. Meanwhile, strengthen your tolerance by identifying the common triggers that tick you off. These can be their tone of voice, certain remarks, certain facial expressions, etc. Then come up with some proactive measures to deal with each of them successfully, for instance, walking away from them for a while, telling yourself “it is okay” to disagree, etc, and make light of the situation.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS
- What are the behaviours that irritate or anger you?
- When you notice them, what thoughts come into your mind?
- How can you break this flow?
- What alternative thoughts can you use to replace your negative thoughts about the person, their words, and actions?
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