Q: I get angry very easily with people especially those who are unreasonable, dumb, slow and ‘unforgivably’ ignorant. But deep inside me, I envy my friends who are as ‘cool as a cucumber’ when confronted by such people. It frustrates me that I cannot be even 50 per cent of what they are. Can you help me understand myself better? How can I learn to manage my emotions better?
A: Basically, you have the traits of an angry person. There could be something in the past you cannot change or problems in the present that you have trouble changing. So you get angry because the other person may be reminding you of something about yourself. Lurking inside you may be an underlying fear. You will continue to get angry, so long as you allow some parts of your past or present to interfere with your life. So get them out of the way once and for all.
There are two areas you need to deal with. The first is to no longer fear whatever past events that are still occurring in your life today. Tell yourself it is simply illogical to allow the past to haunt you until now! So be kinder to yourself. The second is to deal with the anger itself. When you feel hot-headed, just remember to relax and breathe slowly. Then simply say something like, “Life is short” or “I won’t allow this to anger me” and so on. This can calm you down further. Find moments in your time for some space to talk to your inner self so that you can learn more about your nerves, emotions and temperament. You will eventually gain the ability to manage yourself much better.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS
- Why are you angry most of the time?
- What is the fear or frustration that is bothering you?
- How logical is its reason for making you angry?
- How can you detect your anger before it blows up?
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